From cacae5730ea41614249d848057aa30c66ea591c2 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001
From: 24c02 <163450896+24c02@users.noreply.github.com>
Date: Thu, 29 Jan 2026 18:14:39 -0500
Subject: [PATCH] =?UTF-8?q?=E2=8C=98?=
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit
---
app/components/static_pages/home.rb | 10 +-
app/components/static_pages/logged_out.rb | 8 +-
app/controllers/static_pages_controller.rb | 1 +
app/services/flavor_text_service.rb | 179 +++++++++++++++++++++
app/views/layouts/application.html.erb | 10 ++
app/views/static_pages/home.html.erb | 4 +-
6 files changed, 204 insertions(+), 8 deletions(-)
create mode 100644 app/services/flavor_text_service.rb
diff --git a/app/components/static_pages/home.rb b/app/components/static_pages/home.rb
index e4557fa..e7435e7 100644
--- a/app/components/static_pages/home.rb
+++ b/app/components/static_pages/home.rb
@@ -1,9 +1,10 @@
# frozen_string_literal: true
class Components::StaticPages::Home < Components::StaticPages::Base
- def initialize(stats:, user:)
+ def initialize(stats:, user:, flavor_text:)
@stats = stats
@user = user
+ @flavor_text = flavor_text
end
def view_template
@@ -16,7 +17,7 @@ class Components::StaticPages::Home < Components::StaticPages::Base
private
- attr_reader :stats, :user
+ attr_reader :stats, :user, :flavor_text
def header_section
header(style: "display: flex; justify-content: space-between; align-items: flex-start; flex-wrap: wrap; gap: 16px; padding-bottom: 24px; margin-bottom: 24px; border-bottom: 1px solid var(--borderColor-default, #d0d7de);") do
@@ -25,7 +26,10 @@ class Components::StaticPages::Home < Components::StaticPages::Base
plain "Welcome back, "
strong { user&.name || "friend" }
end
- h1(style: "font-size: 2rem; font-weight: 300; margin: 0;") { "Your CDN Stash" }
+ h1(style: "font-size: 2rem; font-weight: 300; margin: 0;") { "Hack Club CDN" }
+ div(style: "margin-top: 8px;") do
+ render(Primer::Beta::Label.new(scheme: :secondary)) { flavor_text }
+ end
end
div(style: "display: flex; gap: 8px; flex-wrap: wrap;") do
diff --git a/app/components/static_pages/logged_out.rb b/app/components/static_pages/logged_out.rb
index 6f5e574..f87491c 100644
--- a/app/components/static_pages/logged_out.rb
+++ b/app/components/static_pages/logged_out.rb
@@ -1,8 +1,9 @@
# frozen_string_literal: true
class Components::StaticPages::LoggedOut < Components::StaticPages::Base
- def initialize(stats:)
+ def initialize(stats:, flavor_text:)
@stats = stats
+ @flavor_text = flavor_text
end
def view_template
@@ -15,7 +16,7 @@ class Components::StaticPages::LoggedOut < Components::StaticPages::Base
private
- attr_reader :stats
+ attr_reader :stats, :flavor_text
def header_section
header(style: "display: flex; justify-content: space-between; align-items: flex-start; flex-wrap: wrap; gap: 16px; padding-bottom: 24px; margin-bottom: 24px; border-bottom: 1px solid var(--borderColor-default, #d0d7de);") do
@@ -24,9 +25,10 @@ class Components::StaticPages::LoggedOut < Components::StaticPages::Base
plain "Hack Club CDN"
sup(style: "font-size: 0.5em; margin-left: 4px;") { "v4" }
end
- p(style: "color: var(--fgColor-muted, #656d76); margin: 0; max-width: 600px;") do
+ p(style: "color: var(--fgColor-muted, #656d76); margin: 0 0 8px; max-width: 600px;") do
plain "File hosting for Hack Clubbers."
end
+ render(Primer::Beta::Label.new(scheme: :secondary)) { flavor_text }
end
div(style: "display: flex; gap: 8px; flex-wrap: wrap;") do
diff --git a/app/controllers/static_pages_controller.rb b/app/controllers/static_pages_controller.rb
index 8042e07..75b21fb 100644
--- a/app/controllers/static_pages_controller.rb
+++ b/app/controllers/static_pages_controller.rb
@@ -2,6 +2,7 @@ class StaticPagesController < ApplicationController
skip_before_action :require_authentication!, only: [:home]
def home
+ @flavor_text = FlavorTextService.new(user: current_user).generate
if signed_in?
@user_stats = CDNStatsService.user_stats(current_user)
else
diff --git a/app/services/flavor_text_service.rb b/app/services/flavor_text_service.rb
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..2c65c80
--- /dev/null
+++ b/app/services/flavor_text_service.rb
@@ -0,0 +1,179 @@
+# frozen_string_literal: true
+
+class FlavorTextService
+ include ActionView::Helpers::NumberHelper
+
+ def initialize(user: nil, env: Rails.env, deterministic: true)
+ @user = user
+ @env = env
+ @seed = deterministic ? Time.now.to_i / 5.minutes : Random.new_seed
+ @random = Random.new(@seed)
+ end
+
+ def generate
+ flavor_text = sample
+ flavor_text = flavor_text.call if flavor_text.respond_to? :call
+
+ flavor_text
+ end
+
+ def flavor_texts
+ [
+ "bytes bytes bytes bytes bytes",
+ "A hard drive stuffed with cat photos",
+ "The Hack Foundation dba The File Store",
+ "Open on weekends",
+ "Open on holidays",
+ "please don't hack",
+ "Contentedly Delivering Nonsense",
+ "Cool Dino Network",
+ "Compressed Data Nuggets",
+ "Cozy Digital Nest",
+ "Open late",
+ "Now in color!",
+ "Filmed on location",
+ "Soon to be a major blockchain!",
+ "As seen on the internet",
+ "Most viewed site on this domain!",
+ "Coming to a browser near you",
+ "#{@random.rand 4..9}0% bug free!",
+ "#{@random.rand 1..4}0% fewer bugs!",
+ 'Now with "code"',
+ "Holds lots of bytes",
+ "Educational!",
+ "Don't use while driving",
+ "Support local file hosting!",
+ "Take frequent breaks!",
+ "Technically good!",
+ "Operating at a loss since 2025!",
+ "Does anyone actually read this?",
+ "Like and subscribe!",
+ "As seen on cdn.hackclub.com",
+ "As seen on hackclub.com",
+ "Now running in production!",
+ "put files in computer",
+ "TODO: get that bread",
+ "Coming soon to a screen near your face",
+ "Coming soon to a screen near you",
+ "As seen on the internet",
+ "Operating at a loss so you don't have to",
+ "It holds files!",
+ "uwu",
+ "owo",
+ "ovo",
+ "An important part of this nutritional breakfast",
+ "By people with files, for people with files",
+ 'Made using "files"',
+ "Chosen #1 by dinosaurs everywhere",
+ "IT departments HATE them",
+ "Congratulations, you are the #{number_with_delimiter(10**@random.rand(1..5))}th visitor!",
+ "You've got this",
+ "Don't forget to drink water!",
+ "Putting the 'fun' in 'upload'",
+ "Putting the 'fun' in 'cloud storage'",
+ "Putting the 'do' in 'download'",
+ "Putting the 'based' in 'cloud-based hosting'",
+ "Putting the 'host' in 'ghost'",
+ "Putting the 'sus' in 'sustainable bandwidth'",
+ "Open on weekdays!",
+ "Open on #{Date.today.strftime("%A")}s",
+ "??? storage!",
+ "Did you see the size of that #{%w[image video file].sample(random: @random)}?!",
+ "Guess how much it costs to run this thing!",
+ "Bytes served fresh daily by Cloudflare",
+ "Running with Ruby on Rails #{Rails.gem_version.canonical_segments.first}",
+ "Now with 1% downtime!",
+ "Achievement unlocked!",
+ "#{@random.rand(10..50)},#{@random.rand(100..999).to_s.rjust(3, '0')} lines of code",
+ "Your move, Dropbox",
+ "If you can read this, the page's status code is 200",
+ "If you can read this, the page has loaded",
+ "Now go and upload yourself something nice",
+ "[Insert splash text here]",
+ "Condemned by the sheriff of storage",
+ "Coded on location",
+ 'Voted "3rd"',
+ "You are now breathing manually",
+ "If you can read this, thanks!",
+ "(or similar product)",
+ "[OK]",
+ "tell your parents it's educational",
+ "You found the 3rd Easter egg on the site",
+ "The best site you're using right now",
+ "It Is What It Is",
+ "Made in Vermont, with love",
+ "Your move S3!",
+ "Flash plugin failed to load",
+ "Upload, they said",
+ "U want sum storage?",
+ "Check the back of this page for an exclusive promo code!",
+ "You've found the 5th easter egg on the site!",
+ "A folder is fine too",
+ "Welcome to #{%w[data storage].sample(random: @random)} town, population: you",
+ "So... what's your favorite file format?",
+ "If you can read this you've got tiny eyes".html_safe,
+ "Page loaded in: < 24 hrs (I hope)",
+ "Old and improved!",
+ "Newly loaded!",
+ "Refreshing! (if you keep hitting ⌘+R)",
+ "Recommended by people somewhere!",
+ "Recommended by people in some places!",
+ "Recommended by hackers on this site!",
+ "Recommended by me!",
+ "Recommended by Hack Club!",
+ "Recommended by the recommend-o-tron 3000",
+ "Recommended! (probably)",
+ "Please stow your files in the upright and locked position",
+ "Loaded in #{@random.rand(10..35)}ms... jk– i don't actually know how long it took",
+ "Loaded in #{@random.rand(10..35)}ms... jk– i can't count",
+ "Turns out it's hard to make one of these things",
+ "TODO: come up with some actual jokes for this box",
+ "asdgfhjdk I'm out of jokes",
+ "Send your jokes to nora@hackclub.com",
+ "You're looking great today :)",
+ "Great! You're here!",
+ "You need to wake up",
+ "you need to wake up! Pinch yourself",
+ "stop dreaming, you need to wake up!",
+ "Are you suuuuure you aren't a robot?",
+ "Show emotion here if you aren't a robot",
+ "Your ad here!",
+ "Are you feeling lucky?",
+ "...and you can take that to the cloud",
+ "Ever just wonder... why?",
+ "Redstone update out now!",
+ "educational edition",
+ "Where's the file lebowski?!",
+ "We put the 'fun' in 'cloud storage' (there isn't any)",
+ "Not responsible for any major data loss!",
+ "In today's internet?!",
+ "Send us your best haiku!",
+ "«⋄⇠◇«─◆─»⇢$$$⇠«─◆─»◇⇢⋄»",
+ "¸¸.•*📁*•.¸¸¸.•*📁*•.¸¸¸.•*📁*•.¸¸¸.•*📁*•.¸",
+ "◥◤◢◤◢📁📁📁◣◥◣◥◤",
+ "store no evil",
+ "byte me",
+ "not running on the blockchain!",
+ "not available offline!",
+ "as seen online",
+ "online only!",
+ "new strawberry flavor!",
+ "same classic taste",
+ "".html_safe,
+ -> { "#{@random.rand(5..50)} users online" },
+ "Raccoon-tested, dinosaur-approved.",
+ "original recipe!",
+ "now sugar-free!",
+ "low-sodium edition",
+ 'we put the ":3" in "S3"!',
+ "do not adjust your monitor.",
+ "only #{@random.rand(5..50)} missing #{["file", "files"].sample(random: @random)}!",
+ ]
+ end
+
+ private
+
+ def sample
+ flavor_texts.sample(random: @random)
+ end
+end
\ No newline at end of file
diff --git a/app/views/layouts/application.html.erb b/app/views/layouts/application.html.erb
index f9c1879..9ad7df4 100644
--- a/app/views/layouts/application.html.erb
+++ b/app/views/layouts/application.html.erb
@@ -35,6 +35,16 @@
<%= render(Components::HeaderBar.new) if signed_in? %>
+ <% if flash[:notice] || flash[:alert] %>
+
+ <% if flash[:notice] %>
+ <%= render(Primer::Beta::Flash.new(scheme: :success, icon: :check)) { flash[:notice] } %>
+ <% end %>
+ <% if flash[:alert] %>
+ <%= render(Primer::Beta::Flash.new(scheme: :danger, icon: :alert)) { flash[:alert] } %>
+ <% end %>
+
+ <% end %>
<%= yield %>