mirror of
https://github.com/System-End/cdn.git
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241 lines
8.3 KiB
Ruby
241 lines
8.3 KiB
Ruby
# frozen_string_literal: true
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class FlavorTextService
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include ActionView::Helpers::NumberHelper
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def initialize(user: nil, env: Rails.env, deterministic: true)
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@user = user
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@env = env
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@seed = deterministic ? Time.now.to_i / 5.minutes : Random.new_seed
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@random = Random.new(@seed)
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end
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def generate
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flavor_text = sample
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flavor_text = flavor_text.call if flavor_text.respond_to? :call
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flavor_text
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end
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def flavor_texts
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[
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"bytes bytes bytes bytes bytes",
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"A hard drive stuffed with cat photos",
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"The Hack Foundation dba The File Store",
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"Open on weekends",
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"Open on holidays",
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"please don't hack",
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"Contentedly Delivering Nonsense",
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"Cool Dino Network",
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"Compressed Data Nuggets",
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"Cozy Digital Nest",
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"Open late",
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"Now in color!",
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"Filmed on location",
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"Soon to be a major blockchain!",
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"As seen on the internet",
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"Most viewed site on this domain!",
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"Coming to a browser near you",
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"#{@random.rand 4..9}0% bug free!",
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"#{@random.rand 1..4}0% fewer bugs!",
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'Now with "code"',
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"Holds lots of bytes",
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"Educational!",
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"Don't use while driving",
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"Support local file hosting!",
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"Take frequent breaks!",
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"Technically good!",
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"Operating at a loss since 2025!",
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"Does anyone actually read this?",
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"Like and subscribe!",
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"As seen on cdn.hackclub.com",
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"As seen on hackclub.com",
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"Now running in production!",
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"put files in computer",
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"TODO: get that bread",
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"Coming soon to a screen near your face",
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"Coming soon to a screen near you",
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"As seen on the internet",
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"Operating at a loss so you don't have to",
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"It holds files!",
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"uwu",
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"owo",
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"ovo",
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"An important part of this nutritional breakfast",
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"By people with files, for people with files",
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'Made using "files"',
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"Chosen #1 by dinosaurs everywhere",
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"IT departments HATE them",
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"Congratulations, you are the #{number_with_delimiter(10**@random.rand(1..5))}th visitor!",
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"You've got this",
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"Don't forget to drink water!",
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"Putting the 'fun' in 'upload'",
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"Putting the 'fun' in 'cloud storage'",
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"Putting the 'do' in 'download'",
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"Putting the 'based' in 'cloud-based hosting'",
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"Putting the 'host' in 'ghost'",
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"Putting the 'sus' in 'sustainable bandwidth'",
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"Open on weekdays!",
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"Open on #{Date.today.strftime("%A")}s",
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"??? storage!",
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"Did you see the size of that #{%w[image video file].sample(random: @random)}?!",
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"Guess how much it costs to run this thing!",
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"Bytes served fresh daily by Cloudflare",
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"Running with Ruby on Rails #{Rails.gem_version.canonical_segments.first}",
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"Now with 1% downtime!",
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"Achievement unlocked!",
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"#{@random.rand(10..50)},#{@random.rand(100..999).to_s.rjust(3, '0')} lines of code",
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"Your move, Dropbox",
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"If you can read this, the page's status code is 200",
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"If you can read this, the page has loaded",
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"Now go and upload yourself something nice",
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"[Insert splash text here]",
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"Condemned by the sheriff of storage",
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"Coded on location",
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'Voted "3rd"',
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"You are now breathing manually",
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"If you can read this, thanks!",
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"(or similar product)",
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"[OK]",
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"tell your parents it's educational",
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"You found the 3rd Easter egg on the site",
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"The best site you're using right now",
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"It Is What It Is",
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"Made in Vermont, with love",
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"Your move S3!",
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"Flash plugin failed to load",
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"Upload, they said",
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"U want sum storage?",
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"Check the back of this page for an exclusive promo code!",
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"You've found the 5th easter egg on the site!",
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"A folder is fine too",
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"Welcome to #{%w[data storage].sample(random: @random)} town, population: you",
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"So... what's your favorite file format?",
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"<span style='font-size: 2px !important'>If you can read this you've got tiny eyes</span>".html_safe,
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"Page loaded in: < 24 hrs (I hope)",
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"Old and improved!",
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"Newly loaded!",
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"Refreshing! (if you keep hitting ⌘+R)",
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"Recommended by people somewhere!",
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"Recommended by people in some places!",
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"Recommended by hackers on this site!",
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"Recommended by me!",
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"Recommended by Hack Club!",
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"Recommended by the recommend-o-tron 3000",
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"Recommended! (probably)",
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"Please stow your files in the upright and locked position",
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"Loaded in #{@random.rand(10..35)}ms... jk– i don't actually know how long it took",
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"Loaded in #{@random.rand(10..35)}ms... jk– i can't count",
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"Turns out it's hard to make one of these things",
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"TODO: come up with some actual jokes for this box",
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"asdgfhjdk I'm out of jokes",
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"Send your jokes to nora@hackclub.com",
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"You're looking great today :)",
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"Great! You're here!",
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"You need to wake up",
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"you need to wake up! Pinch yourself",
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"stop dreaming, you need to wake up!",
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"Are you suuuuure you aren't a robot?",
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"Show emotion here if you aren't a robot",
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"Your ad here!",
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"Are you feeling lucky?",
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"...and you can take that to the cloud",
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"Ever just wonder... why?",
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"Redstone update out now!",
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"educational edition",
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"Where's the file lebowski?!",
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"We put the 'fun' in 'cloud storage' (there isn't any)",
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"Not responsible for any major data loss!",
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"In today's internet?!",
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"Send us your best haiku!",
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"«⋄⇠◇«─◆─»⇢$$$⇠«─◆─»◇⇢⋄»",
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"¸¸.•*📁*•.¸¸¸.•*📁*•.¸¸¸.•*📁*•.¸¸¸.•*📁*•.¸",
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"◥◤◢◤◢📁📁📁◣◥◣◥◤",
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"store no evil",
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"byte me",
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"not running on the blockchain!",
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"not available offline!",
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"as seen online",
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"online only!",
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"new strawberry flavor!",
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"same classic taste",
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"<marquee scrollamount='5'>📁📁📁</marquee>".html_safe,
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-> { "#{@random.rand(5..50)} users online" },
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"Raccoon-tested, dinosaur-approved.",
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"original recipe!",
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"now sugar-free!",
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"low-sodium edition",
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'we put the ":3" in "S3"!',
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"do not adjust your monitor.",
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"only #{@random.rand(5..50)} missing files!",
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"why are you reading these",
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"go outside",
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"posture check!",
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"have you eaten today?",
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"blink if you're okay",
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"git commit -m 'idk'",
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"git commit -m 'stuff'",
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"the files understand",
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"everything is fine forever",
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"yippee!",
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"yayyy :3",
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":D",
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"files :)",
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"hehe",
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"honk",
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"meow",
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"AAAAAAAAA",
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"help",
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"this is a cry for help disguised as a CDN",
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"my lawyer advised me not to finish this jo-",
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"I can see you",
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"behind you",
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"the call is coming from inside the server",
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"this is your sign",
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"you dropped this: 👑",
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"I'm in your walls",
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"feed me files",
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"MORE",
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"the prophecy is true",
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"the ritual is complete",
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"you have been chosen",
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"you win!",
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"thanks for coming to my ted talk",
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"anyway",
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"tl;dr: files",
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"no but like actually what is a file",
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"philosophy major dropout energy",
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"the void stares back",
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"nothing matters and that's okay",
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"we're all just files in the end",
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"existential dread as a service",
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"powered by anxiety",
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"college dropout runs a CDN, more at 11",
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"I should be studying",
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"due tomorrow? do tomorrow.",
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"sleep is for the weak (I am weak)",
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"it's 3am and I regret everything",
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"made at 4am on a tuesday",
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"unmedicated energy",
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"no sleep, only code",
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"shoutout to my therapist",
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"certified mess",
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"professionally unprofessional",
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"fake it till you make it (we're still faking it)",
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"I have no idea what I'm doing",
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"stackoverflow raised me",
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"ctrl+c ctrl+v my beloved",
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"works on my machine (I swear)",
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"100% bug-free* *no it's not",
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"who let me cook",
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"cooked (derogatory)",
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"this seemed like a good idea at the time"
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]
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end
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private
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def sample
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flavor_texts.sample(random: @random)
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end
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end
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