mirror of
https://github.com/System-End/cdn.git
synced 2026-04-19 19:45:07 +00:00
241 lines
8.3 KiB
Ruby
241 lines
8.3 KiB
Ruby
# frozen_string_literal: true
|
||
|
||
class FlavorTextService
|
||
include ActionView::Helpers::NumberHelper
|
||
|
||
def initialize(user: nil, env: Rails.env, deterministic: true)
|
||
@user = user
|
||
@env = env
|
||
@seed = deterministic ? Time.now.to_i / 5.minutes : Random.new_seed
|
||
@random = Random.new(@seed)
|
||
end
|
||
|
||
def generate
|
||
flavor_text = sample
|
||
flavor_text = flavor_text.call if flavor_text.respond_to? :call
|
||
|
||
flavor_text
|
||
end
|
||
|
||
def flavor_texts
|
||
[
|
||
"bytes bytes bytes bytes bytes",
|
||
"A hard drive stuffed with cat photos",
|
||
"The Hack Foundation dba The File Store",
|
||
"Open on weekends",
|
||
"Open on holidays",
|
||
"please don't hack",
|
||
"Contentedly Delivering Nonsense",
|
||
"Cool Dino Network",
|
||
"Compressed Data Nuggets",
|
||
"Cozy Digital Nest",
|
||
"Open late",
|
||
"Now in color!",
|
||
"Filmed on location",
|
||
"Soon to be a major blockchain!",
|
||
"As seen on the internet",
|
||
"Most viewed site on this domain!",
|
||
"Coming to a browser near you",
|
||
"#{@random.rand 4..9}0% bug free!",
|
||
"#{@random.rand 1..4}0% fewer bugs!",
|
||
'Now with "code"',
|
||
"Holds lots of bytes",
|
||
"Educational!",
|
||
"Don't use while driving",
|
||
"Support local file hosting!",
|
||
"Take frequent breaks!",
|
||
"Technically good!",
|
||
"Operating at a loss since 2025!",
|
||
"Does anyone actually read this?",
|
||
"Like and subscribe!",
|
||
"As seen on cdn.hackclub.com",
|
||
"As seen on hackclub.com",
|
||
"Now running in production!",
|
||
"put files in computer",
|
||
"TODO: get that bread",
|
||
"Coming soon to a screen near your face",
|
||
"Coming soon to a screen near you",
|
||
"As seen on the internet",
|
||
"Operating at a loss so you don't have to",
|
||
"It holds files!",
|
||
"uwu",
|
||
"owo",
|
||
"ovo",
|
||
"An important part of this nutritional breakfast",
|
||
"By people with files, for people with files",
|
||
'Made using "files"',
|
||
"Chosen #1 by dinosaurs everywhere",
|
||
"IT departments HATE them",
|
||
"Congratulations, you are the #{number_with_delimiter(10**@random.rand(1..5))}th visitor!",
|
||
"You've got this",
|
||
"Don't forget to drink water!",
|
||
"Putting the 'fun' in 'upload'",
|
||
"Putting the 'fun' in 'cloud storage'",
|
||
"Putting the 'do' in 'download'",
|
||
"Putting the 'based' in 'cloud-based hosting'",
|
||
"Putting the 'host' in 'ghost'",
|
||
"Putting the 'sus' in 'sustainable bandwidth'",
|
||
"Open on weekdays!",
|
||
"Open on #{Date.today.strftime("%A")}s",
|
||
"??? storage!",
|
||
"Did you see the size of that #{%w[image video file].sample(random: @random)}?!",
|
||
"Guess how much it costs to run this thing!",
|
||
"Bytes served fresh daily by Cloudflare",
|
||
"Running with Ruby on Rails #{Rails.gem_version.canonical_segments.first}",
|
||
"Now with 1% downtime!",
|
||
"Achievement unlocked!",
|
||
"#{@random.rand(10..50)},#{@random.rand(100..999).to_s.rjust(3, '0')} lines of code",
|
||
"Your move, Dropbox",
|
||
"If you can read this, the page's status code is 200",
|
||
"If you can read this, the page has loaded",
|
||
"Now go and upload yourself something nice",
|
||
"[Insert splash text here]",
|
||
"Condemned by the sheriff of storage",
|
||
"Coded on location",
|
||
'Voted "3rd"',
|
||
"You are now breathing manually",
|
||
"If you can read this, thanks!",
|
||
"(or similar product)",
|
||
"[OK]",
|
||
"tell your parents it's educational",
|
||
"You found the 3rd Easter egg on the site",
|
||
"The best site you're using right now",
|
||
"It Is What It Is",
|
||
"Made in Vermont, with love",
|
||
"Your move S3!",
|
||
"Flash plugin failed to load",
|
||
"Upload, they said",
|
||
"U want sum storage?",
|
||
"Check the back of this page for an exclusive promo code!",
|
||
"You've found the 5th easter egg on the site!",
|
||
"A folder is fine too",
|
||
"Welcome to #{%w[data storage].sample(random: @random)} town, population: you",
|
||
"So... what's your favorite file format?",
|
||
"<span style='font-size: 2px !important'>If you can read this you've got tiny eyes</span>".html_safe,
|
||
"Page loaded in: < 24 hrs (I hope)",
|
||
"Old and improved!",
|
||
"Newly loaded!",
|
||
"Refreshing! (if you keep hitting ⌘+R)",
|
||
"Recommended by people somewhere!",
|
||
"Recommended by people in some places!",
|
||
"Recommended by hackers on this site!",
|
||
"Recommended by me!",
|
||
"Recommended by Hack Club!",
|
||
"Recommended by the recommend-o-tron 3000",
|
||
"Recommended! (probably)",
|
||
"Please stow your files in the upright and locked position",
|
||
"Loaded in #{@random.rand(10..35)}ms... jk– i don't actually know how long it took",
|
||
"Loaded in #{@random.rand(10..35)}ms... jk– i can't count",
|
||
"Turns out it's hard to make one of these things",
|
||
"TODO: come up with some actual jokes for this box",
|
||
"asdgfhjdk I'm out of jokes",
|
||
"Send your jokes to nora@hackclub.com",
|
||
"You're looking great today :)",
|
||
"Great! You're here!",
|
||
"You need to wake up",
|
||
"you need to wake up! Pinch yourself",
|
||
"stop dreaming, you need to wake up!",
|
||
"Are you suuuuure you aren't a robot?",
|
||
"Show emotion here if you aren't a robot",
|
||
"Your ad here!",
|
||
"Are you feeling lucky?",
|
||
"...and you can take that to the cloud",
|
||
"Ever just wonder... why?",
|
||
"Redstone update out now!",
|
||
"educational edition",
|
||
"Where's the file lebowski?!",
|
||
"We put the 'fun' in 'cloud storage' (there isn't any)",
|
||
"Not responsible for any major data loss!",
|
||
"In today's internet?!",
|
||
"Send us your best haiku!",
|
||
"«⋄⇠◇«─◆─»⇢$$$⇠«─◆─»◇⇢⋄»",
|
||
"¸¸.•*📁*•.¸¸¸.•*📁*•.¸¸¸.•*📁*•.¸¸¸.•*📁*•.¸",
|
||
"◥◤◢◤◢📁📁📁◣◥◣◥◤",
|
||
"store no evil",
|
||
"byte me",
|
||
"not running on the blockchain!",
|
||
"not available offline!",
|
||
"as seen online",
|
||
"online only!",
|
||
"new strawberry flavor!",
|
||
"same classic taste",
|
||
"<marquee scrollamount='5'>📁📁📁</marquee>".html_safe,
|
||
-> { "#{@random.rand(5..50)} users online" },
|
||
"Raccoon-tested, dinosaur-approved.",
|
||
"original recipe!",
|
||
"now sugar-free!",
|
||
"low-sodium edition",
|
||
'we put the ":3" in "S3"!',
|
||
"do not adjust your monitor.",
|
||
"only #{@random.rand(5..50)} missing files!",
|
||
"why are you reading these",
|
||
"go outside",
|
||
"posture check!",
|
||
"have you eaten today?",
|
||
"blink if you're okay",
|
||
"git commit -m 'idk'",
|
||
"git commit -m 'stuff'",
|
||
"the files understand",
|
||
"everything is fine forever",
|
||
"yippee!",
|
||
"yayyy :3",
|
||
":D",
|
||
"files :)",
|
||
"hehe",
|
||
"honk",
|
||
"meow",
|
||
"AAAAAAAAA",
|
||
"help",
|
||
"this is a cry for help disguised as a CDN",
|
||
"my lawyer advised me not to finish this jo-",
|
||
"I can see you",
|
||
"behind you",
|
||
"the call is coming from inside the server",
|
||
"this is your sign",
|
||
"you dropped this: 👑",
|
||
"I'm in your walls",
|
||
"feed me files",
|
||
"MORE",
|
||
"the prophecy is true",
|
||
"the ritual is complete",
|
||
"you have been chosen",
|
||
"you win!",
|
||
"thanks for coming to my ted talk",
|
||
"anyway",
|
||
"tl;dr: files",
|
||
"no but like actually what is a file",
|
||
"philosophy major dropout energy",
|
||
"the void stares back",
|
||
"nothing matters and that's okay",
|
||
"we're all just files in the end",
|
||
"existential dread as a service",
|
||
"powered by anxiety",
|
||
"college dropout runs a CDN, more at 11",
|
||
"I should be studying",
|
||
"due tomorrow? do tomorrow.",
|
||
"sleep is for the weak (I am weak)",
|
||
"it's 3am and I regret everything",
|
||
"made at 4am on a tuesday",
|
||
"unmedicated energy",
|
||
"no sleep, only code",
|
||
"shoutout to my therapist",
|
||
"certified mess",
|
||
"professionally unprofessional",
|
||
"fake it till you make it (we're still faking it)",
|
||
"I have no idea what I'm doing",
|
||
"stackoverflow raised me",
|
||
"ctrl+c ctrl+v my beloved",
|
||
"works on my machine (I swear)",
|
||
"100% bug-free* *no it's not",
|
||
"who let me cook",
|
||
"cooked (derogatory)",
|
||
"this seemed like a good idea at the time"
|
||
]
|
||
end
|
||
|
||
private
|
||
|
||
def sample
|
||
flavor_texts.sample(random: @random)
|
||
end
|
||
end
|